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“A bump on the road and you'll get a shitload.” ( This Random Thought submitted by Stef De Smet, Thanks Mate!!!) |
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Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. |
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Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. |
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If the truth hurts, then why is honesty the best policy? |
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A doctor amazed at an old mans good health asks him what he attributes it to. The man replied "Faith in God, I have prayed all my life and now I'm old God is looking after me, why in the night when I go for a pee, as soon as I open the door he even turns the light on for me." The mans wife says "Not true doc he's losing his mind he's been peeing in the fridge!" |
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Eagles may soar, but snakes don't get sucked into jet engines. |
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A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. |
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If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? |
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Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? |
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Why is it that when you fart you laugh but when you burp you say excuse me? |
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Why is abbreviation such a long word? |
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A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers. |
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If you throw a cat out of the car window, does it become kittylitter? |
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Why is there only one monopolies comission??? |
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If teflon is non-stick how do they stick it to the frying pan? |
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Why is it when we send something by car its called shipment, but when we send it by sea its called cargo?? |
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The word “politics” is made up of the words “poli” meaning “many” in Latin and “tics” as in 'bloodsucking creatures! |
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When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute!!! |
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Answer My Prayer Steal My Car! |
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90% of the people in this world are fools! The the rest of us are in great danger of contamination! |
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You! Off my planet! |
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Well, this day was a total waste of makeup! |
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I wish I were Barbie that bitch has everything! |
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Is there life after death? Mess with my car and find out! |
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Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? |
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Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke? |
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Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters? |
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Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage? |
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Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering? |
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Why does the sun lighten our hair but darkens our skin? |
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Why is it that doctors and lawyers call what they do “a practice”? |
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Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? |
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Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? |
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Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? |
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? |
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Did you know that every Quarterback has Tightends? |
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OMG You're like the Leaning tower of Pisa You're not moving fast enough! ( This Random Thought submitted by Kevin Willey, Thanks Mate!!!) |
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I shall slay the Dragon of Geometry with my Pencil of Justice! ( This Random Thought submitted by Kevin Willey, Thanks Mate!!!) |
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I was lying in my bed last night, looking up at the stars & I wondered to myself, where the hell is my roof!(This Random Thought submitted by Tiffany Bosteels, Thank You Sweetie!!!) |
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OH NOOOO! Your tire is all flat and junk! |
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Coz I’m a pothole! |
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On the day that cows jump over the moon and pigs fly will be the same day that it rains cats and dogs! |
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The sword is more important than the shield, and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental. |
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A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him “Why do you carry a 45?” The Ranger responded, “Because they don't make a 46.” |
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